crapping rainbows in your brain

Reading up on Anxiety... As I'm not sure vesicular quite gets what I'm talking about. Anyways... I have a mix of panic disorder, social anxiety disorder and intermittent explosive disorder, combined with what is another compulsive behavior (scalp picking)...

This is interesting:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_space

I have a co-worker who interferes not in "personal space" but "intimate space" (that is, when she's showing me stuff, she's literally bumping up next to me... That's irritating. Anyways... That's just an anecdote...

I've thought about CBT, as an approach. But it's so methodical... And that's another issue of mine. I tried to do journaling for two different therapists, and never was able to get into the habit. Supposedly CBT is very effective. Exposure and Response Prevention seems like another option... A subset, I guess, of CBT.

This leads me to... "Flight Zone":

Tame animals have no flight zone; that is, they will allow a person to approach and touch them. Wild, feral, and unbroken animals can have very large flight zones.

Funny how wild animals are "unbroken" and that we have to "break" them in order to make them tame. (Slave Screams! He's being beat into submission... I should note I accidentally wrote "we wild animals" in the sentence above, initially.)

I also have a very strong startle reaction, which I've noted in a somewhat recent post (in the past month, I believe).

Anyways, I wanted to clarify, in a sense, that I don't just feel "anxious" or "nervous" around people. I have very strong space issues and anxiety issues which lead me to be very sensitive to conditions, including startling noise, violations of personal space, panic, and rage. It's not merely being "inept". It's much more and much scarier. People are not supposed to hit metal objects and dent them out of emotional rage. They are not supposed to ram their bumper into a truck that's preventing them from parking in their appointed parking spot.

Cybernetic culture research unit Go there. Now. For anyone interested in electronic music theory, and cool shit like that. I mean, it's fucking awesome, and if you don't go you're missing a shitload of very very very very very cool shit. This is what I'm thinking about a lot of the time, even though I don't write about it.
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Something I've been thinking about today: Time. The linearity. The limits and restraints it places upon us in it's one dimensionality. I wish we could move to a multi-modal time. The west has linear time, with it's discrete units of measurement. Quantitative. The east has it's cyclic time, with it's analog states of change and evolution and recurrence. Qualitative. What we need is spiral-time. Time that is conic. That is linear and cyclic. but not only forward, but also backwards, so it's like four-dimensional. The three dimensions(1 forward, and then along that axis, 2 cyclic(up, down, forward, back)... But add the reversal element and you have 4 dimensional time. Our whole conception of reality is somehow tainted by one-dimensional time. And I don't know if it's really a physical thing, as science claims to exist, or if it's just beyond our ken. I mean, cyclical time is pretty much beyond our reach, because we perceive one lifetime and that' all we can deal with. And as such, we have to work within the confines of said time.

Confines. Something else that I've been thinking about. Limitations of technology are what the artist needs to understand and work with. The greatest artist is one who learns how to use the limiting factors of the media, tool and substrate, to his/her advantage.

Language is limited because we speak linearly. We write linearly. We read linearly. We perceive within one frame. What intrigues me about multimedia is the ability to superimpose a multidimensionality upon our perception, so that we can see 2 images at once or, music, by it's very nature, is multi-dimensional. But reading and even listening is unidimensional. Even if we put multiple words on a screen, it's still hard to absorb it all, unless it's short and to the point. Which is what modern media does. Politicos know this. They cram 3 word phrases into 2 seconds so we can all be of 1 mind.

I'm interested in the opposite. Sensory overload. Data-choke. Eye-gag(i-gag?)... The sort of overcrowded space with words that bombard you with so much that your eyes gag on it, and you just cut thinking out entirely and exist in a kind of automatic limbo. There are two paths to psychic liberation, the serene and the frenetic. The trance state from the rhythm, and the static state from the ambience. But reality pokes it's head through breaks and crevasses in the sound. Break-beats, dead-silence, jarring static, noise breaking through the steady hum... But in words. In text.

So, umm. Don't forget to go to that link.