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symbioidljOK, so I've made up my mind that I need to do two things. I'm sick. My mind and body are both ill. Through every single space between every single cell there is something creeping through. And I'm tired of it.
I had been looking into fascism and nihilism, as I've posted lately. And it's too much. My brain is sick of it. There is more to life than that. I've analyzed it as much as I wanted to. I haven't been too "spiritual" lately. I've fallen into a decay. I'm merely "here". I exist and go through life in this sort of daze. My memory is hell. I'm only in the moment, and I don't hear shit. I can't focus. And it's not a frantic lack of focus. It's not ADD. It's just a blank state.
So I'm going to get back to the spiritual values that have given me strength in the past. I need to refocus on the Tao, I need to feel the sun on my face once more. I need to breath the air, and drink the water. I need to relish these things as they caress my body.
And my body. My body is sick and tired of the shit that I give it. The garbage I eat is fucking pathetic. And it really is taking it's toll. I can feel it. I can feel it rotting inside of me. I hate it. I've been eating meat for the past few months, and not just chicken. Nasty greasy shit. So I must stop, and if I don't go back to being vegetarian, at least go back to the low-fat meats. And reduce fat all-around(especially greasy shit), and also spicy shit. I need to intake not bland food, necessarily, but food that's less intense. Probably less cereals as well, but more fruits and veggies, most certainly.
On the way to pick up Rosemary just now, I realized that a lot of this ties in with my thoughts on Power and Fascism I've been thinking lately. I've been so despondent about nihilism and fascism, that I've forgotten that my theory has been about power in the individual. The individual has the drive for power, and that means I'm not a fucking victim. I don't have to sit and whine and feel bad. I can CHOOSE to change. I must exercise the natural power that resides within. I only have power over my domain, and I must exercise that to the best of my ability. I also need to learn to be more attentive and appreciative of other points of view. My cynicism has been too intense, and it can only harm relationships. I need to re-focus on love. I need to learn to reach out to others. I need to look not just at the "big picture" but at the picture that's right here, in front of my face(and I don't mean this damn CRT) I need to feel alive again. I need to breathe deeply the breath of Mother Earth. I need to worship her again. To focus on her glory once more. To stop dwelling on the cancer that is man, and trust in the natural karmic laws that will restore balance. I need to find that faith that I lost the past few months. And I will.
Peace goes out to all my brothers and sisters on the planet, whether you think of yourself as one or not. And to my real sister whom I haven't talked to in too long. Hi Holly! Thanks for the cat card. It put a smile on my face. :)
I had been looking into fascism and nihilism, as I've posted lately. And it's too much. My brain is sick of it. There is more to life than that. I've analyzed it as much as I wanted to. I haven't been too "spiritual" lately. I've fallen into a decay. I'm merely "here". I exist and go through life in this sort of daze. My memory is hell. I'm only in the moment, and I don't hear shit. I can't focus. And it's not a frantic lack of focus. It's not ADD. It's just a blank state.
So I'm going to get back to the spiritual values that have given me strength in the past. I need to refocus on the Tao, I need to feel the sun on my face once more. I need to breath the air, and drink the water. I need to relish these things as they caress my body.
And my body. My body is sick and tired of the shit that I give it. The garbage I eat is fucking pathetic. And it really is taking it's toll. I can feel it. I can feel it rotting inside of me. I hate it. I've been eating meat for the past few months, and not just chicken. Nasty greasy shit. So I must stop, and if I don't go back to being vegetarian, at least go back to the low-fat meats. And reduce fat all-around(especially greasy shit), and also spicy shit. I need to intake not bland food, necessarily, but food that's less intense. Probably less cereals as well, but more fruits and veggies, most certainly.
On the way to pick up Rosemary just now, I realized that a lot of this ties in with my thoughts on Power and Fascism I've been thinking lately. I've been so despondent about nihilism and fascism, that I've forgotten that my theory has been about power in the individual. The individual has the drive for power, and that means I'm not a fucking victim. I don't have to sit and whine and feel bad. I can CHOOSE to change. I must exercise the natural power that resides within. I only have power over my domain, and I must exercise that to the best of my ability. I also need to learn to be more attentive and appreciative of other points of view. My cynicism has been too intense, and it can only harm relationships. I need to re-focus on love. I need to learn to reach out to others. I need to look not just at the "big picture" but at the picture that's right here, in front of my face(and I don't mean this damn CRT) I need to feel alive again. I need to breathe deeply the breath of Mother Earth. I need to worship her again. To focus on her glory once more. To stop dwelling on the cancer that is man, and trust in the natural karmic laws that will restore balance. I need to find that faith that I lost the past few months. And I will.
Peace goes out to all my brothers and sisters on the planet, whether you think of yourself as one or not. And to my real sister whom I haven't talked to in too long. Hi Holly! Thanks for the cat card. It put a smile on my face. :)
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no subject
Date: 2002-03-14 11:28 am (UTC)We've both let stuff invade our personal minds and bodies in negative ways.
We can work on getting out of that together. I know that we can.
Spring is coming, and the natural re-birth of the season will help us.
I love you.
Even if I have been distracted by own pain and stress, lately.
I think our own individual negativities have been hurting "us" in some ways, too, you know?
Working on this together will help us, as well as "us."
Sending warm vibes your way today...