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symbioidljEveryday, our ego deludes us. Thinking we are the center of the universe. It is hard to escape this massive delusion, for it pervades us everyday. It is true, our individual world exists as long as we're alive. And that is the only world we know. But there are worlds beyond the world we know. There are the worlds that we read about in history books. Worlds we try to foresee/prophecy. But these worlds are just as much an illusion as our own. They're only part of the full story. That story is not just your story, it isn't just her story. It's not his story, or theirs. It's not even all of ours. It belongs to no-one. It is greater than we can imagine. We speak of human history and culture and concepts and ideas, and while these are wonderful things, they only exist because we do. If we did not exist, they wouldn't. These are not necessarily immortal, eternal truths. They are references. Somehow we are seeking a so-called "truth" We seek people out for the answers, we call them prophets, gods, messiahs, angels, preachers, leaders, philosophers, kings... they are nonesuch. They are people. People that are born, live, breath, eat, sleep, shit, fuck, piss, die. Just like you, just like me. They have experiences, and they accumulate knowledge and integrate this knowledge into new systems of thought. And while it's beautiful play to do such things, the fact is, their reality isn't total. It's a tiny shard of a greater reality. And even if we can collect all human knowledge and wisdom, we still will not have gained a mere fraction of this so-called "truth". What I am saying is that before we, as humans, existed... before mammals existed, before the reptilians...the trilobytes... all these things...there was rock. and water. and air... and before there were these things, there was fire. One great big universal fuck of a fire. We have no way to even possibly conceive of this.
But even worse is the fact that even this statement is part of the whole problem. It's my sliver of reality. My version of truth. And it's a complete and utter fucking lie. It doesn't bother me though. It doesn't disturb me one bit. I can accept it for what it is. Because even if it's a lie, only a milliionth of the truth, it's still beautiful. It's my own beautiful delusion that the ego projects.
The worst part about the whole affair is that you really have no way of verifying the seeming fact that others exist, or that the world existed before you were "born". I don't know if you are real or not. I know that I feel this plastic thing on my fingers. Is it real or not? Sure feels real. So I will assume it is. but that is all I can assume. It is only the moment that exists, that moment of which I am aware that I can be sure of existing. It may be that all my seeming memories don't even exist. They never occured. Perhaps this moment is the only thing that is.
For instance, let's imagine that we are really living as a memory. Not as a figment of god's imagination, but rather as a memory of your future self. They say your life flashes before your eyes when you die... What if this is that life flashing before your future self's eyes as you die? It feels real, though.
When I remember things, sometimes I remember them in 1st person perspective, but there are times when I remmeber in 3rd person perspective. I don't know how or why, but I know that I do.
It's 3 am. i didn't take a nap, but I'm still up late. I'm talking out my ass. I should go to bed.
But even worse is the fact that even this statement is part of the whole problem. It's my sliver of reality. My version of truth. And it's a complete and utter fucking lie. It doesn't bother me though. It doesn't disturb me one bit. I can accept it for what it is. Because even if it's a lie, only a milliionth of the truth, it's still beautiful. It's my own beautiful delusion that the ego projects.
The worst part about the whole affair is that you really have no way of verifying the seeming fact that others exist, or that the world existed before you were "born". I don't know if you are real or not. I know that I feel this plastic thing on my fingers. Is it real or not? Sure feels real. So I will assume it is. but that is all I can assume. It is only the moment that exists, that moment of which I am aware that I can be sure of existing. It may be that all my seeming memories don't even exist. They never occured. Perhaps this moment is the only thing that is.
For instance, let's imagine that we are really living as a memory. Not as a figment of god's imagination, but rather as a memory of your future self. They say your life flashes before your eyes when you die... What if this is that life flashing before your future self's eyes as you die? It feels real, though.
When I remember things, sometimes I remember them in 1st person perspective, but there are times when I remmeber in 3rd person perspective. I don't know how or why, but I know that I do.
It's 3 am. i didn't take a nap, but I'm still up late. I'm talking out my ass. I should go to bed.
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um....
Date: 2001-07-10 04:25 am (UTC)And then it just gets deeper. Because I have the same identical thoughts as you do and this makes me think that there is some sort of order... some semblance of "reality" to what it is we experience.
Sometimes I get the urge to go off on a tangent and speak utter, insane gibberish... it is good therapy for unelashing the paradox inside one's head....
I just broke up with my girl and thinking about this sort of stuff at the same time is rather jarring because I know I am feeling silly little emotions or at least pretending to... and then I think why am I being so silly, and then I think screw that.. I WANT TO HAVE EMOTIONS.
Enough of the questions about the gloomy universe that will one day swallow us in a slow cold death, we are here to live... then I get sick of this argument too, becasue it is too blind... an't hey see that our lives really are so tiny... and then we find the middle road which is what religion is based on... some sort of melding of these two extremes, a justification of the absurdity of our own self-awareness.
I can't even remember what i just said, though I know it is the same general thoughts I always have. I am not smart enough or dedicated enough to order it more.. I am too detached, too confused, too lonely right now to care.
Re: um....
Date: 2001-07-10 05:54 am (UTC)That is similar to this particular train of thought (that is a good image because it does ride its way in quickly and efficiently, then it is gone) that I have about our future selves and finding your "soul mate". A month or so back I had this flash of thinking that I already existed in my pure form, which I picture to be invisible and basically just energy, a kind of whirling mass of me...(?) and that I created myself now, and my life is a huge chess game of possibilities perhaps for my future self's enjoyment? or for some purpose..I don't know. It went on to *imagine* that Cliff and I know each other in this "future" plane and we made it so that we meet...but nothing has been written after this fact...I felt this because so many things have worked out for me to be here, right now....at least it feels that way. So much was preparation and I'm finally old enough to see patterns and pathways that I took which didn't make sense then, but are filling in the spaces now.
this is my talking out of my ass comment for the day ;)
peace
Or maybe an EVIL GENIUS...
Date: 2001-07-10 09:50 am (UTC)Seriously, though, that's what that argument is all about. I know I wasn't explaining myself too well, 'cause, well, lots of people were around me being talkative and funny, and I couldn't take the time out to be philosophical, BUT
Yes, what we know is only what we know, and even that we don't know for sure, because we can't possibly know what else it is that we don't know.
That's why people often jump in with "but if an evil genius were out there making me believe XYZ" then everything would feel and seem the way it does without being real.
The reason this argument is so inane is because ... So Fucking What? If an evil genius IS out there making me believe that everything I think and feel is real, then everything I think and feel is real according to what I can possibly ever know, so why not just assume that everything I think and feel is real, right?
It's kind of like the God thing, and with Descartes, that's where he headed next, but I don't like where he went with it, so I'll just go off on my own tangent.
Basically, it's why I'm agnostic about everything.
There is just no possible way for me to know anything for sure.
I can believe strongly that there is a desk in front of me with a computer on that I'm currently sending information to.
I can believe somewhat strongly that the universe is at least somewhat the way I percieve it to be plus the way that I percieve other people have percieved it to be.
I can believe somewhat weakly that a or multiple god-like beings exist "out there" (whatever that means).
But none of this can I ever hope to know for sure.
And yes, _part_ of why I can't ever hope to know it for sure is that inane argument about the goddamned evil genuis. >:)
And since I can't ever hope to know all of this stuff, my goal in life has become ... happiness.
Hence, the hedonism.
But then, part of what makes me happy is trying to figure this shit out, so I remain ... a philosopher anyway. ;)
BTW, last night's rerun of Voyager had this crazy thing about someone getting radiated and at the moment of their death the radiation was inacted and so they started living their life backwards. The fragmentary memories that they went through trying to figure it all out was kinda cool and I kept thinking that I wished you were watching it too.
Re: Or maybe an EVIL GENIUS...
Date: 2001-07-10 03:58 pm (UTC)2)Isn't that just another way of saying "solipsism" in the first place?
3)I know I didn't think this up. Just some shit running through my head last night.
bye
Re: Or maybe an EVIL GENIUS...
Date: 2001-07-10 06:22 pm (UTC)2) Sort of... but with a twist. Kinda like that new Pepsi with a twist, only the twist ins't lemon. Mmmm... solipsism with lemon....
3) Good shit...
*raspberries*