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symbioidljWoohoo!!!
So, today I "weighed in" for ediets,(though I've already weighed myself before this), and I'm down to 276(morning weight)... I was 280 a week ago.(285 more or less, night-time weight)
I think cutting out the fat from my diet(most of the fat. I know some fat is essential, but trying to get the right kind of fat in the right amounts is the trick) is the most important part. I know I'm watching the caloric intake and fat contents better. I could still do better, and I will try harder on that front.
Also I need to start exercising, that will be one trick that will help the most.
I had a social anxiety attack last night. That's TWICE now when Matt and I and Rosemary and others(Angie the first time, and Shayla and Rachel last night) went out to a bar that I've had that happen. At least this time I got in the door and stuck it out a bit before having to leave. I feel like such a dumbass when that happens, and the hardest part is trying to stop the cycle of thoughts.
1) I'm afraid.
2) I don't like this, I wanna leave
3) I need to get out of here. NOW! I'm gonna start crying soon if I don't.(yes, crying)
4) I DO leave.
5) Why did I leave? I'm such a dumbfuck for leaving.
6) God I hate this, why can't I be normal.
7) I shouldn't get mad at myself for doing this, it's normal.
8) I AM mad at myself, so now I'm even madder/sad...
9) I cry now...(I had already started back at like 4 or 5)
10) I need to be away from people to just let the thoughts slow down, and the cycle to cool off.
11) Some friend(Rosemary last night) comes out and works on piecing it together.
12) And it's all back to "normal"...
---
So when I finally get in to see a therapist, I'll definitely talk about this.
Part of my history, used to be an anger problem when I was a kid, then problems with criticism and harsh judgement, and now social phobias, apparently(though not disabling, they only happen once in a great great while)
After last night, I'm rethinking E and me. I'm not making any claims at this point, but I don't know whether it's a contributing factor, and since I DO have a history of such serotonin-based issues, it's prolly not a good thing to mess about with it. But I'm not making any statements forthwith at this point. I'll see.
Just at some Fat-Free french onion dip and fat-free pringles. you'd think they'd have fat-free potato chips, but i didin't see any anywhere. they have baked tortilla chips, but I didn't see baked potato chips, even though I KNOW they make them. oh well. pringles ain't too bad.
I think my mouth is getting acquired to the flavor of these things. Now I'm working up the guts to get into more fruits and veggies than my limited few that I can/will/want to eat now.
This weekend is my new-born nephew's baptism thingy. Shannon invited me, and I want to go, but 1) I don't trust my car and 2) I need to work this weekend. I didn't let her know yet, so I feel like shit about that. I tried to write her an email on thursday or wednesday or something like that, but i got a call from a guy who wanted help with ModPlug Tracker, and the computer locked up as I was trying different shit with it, and had to reboot. Then I forgot I was in the midst of the letter-writing, so I didn't get it sent or start another one, and then last night i remembered, but I didn't write, though I should have. I think I'll call today. I think I want to send a gift-certificate or something, however. I feel so bad for not going. grr...
Tangee is doing much better finally. Took her to the vet yesterday, and she got some medicine to make her eat. she ate a lot yesterday, and today, she looks like she's eating now, too... and she hasn't thrown up lately either!!! YEAH!!! And she's much more social again. She even kinda attacked me today. I was putting food away, and while re-arranging the cupboard, out of nowhere, she jumps on my shoulder, threw me a little off balance and I was like WOAH!!!! Then she was looking in the cupboard. I felt like a pirate, except instead of a parrot, I had a cat on my shoulder. It was cute.
Think, for now, for my website, I'm gonna focus on getting Style-Sheets down, and maybe some frames and image-maps. Also, working hard on figuring out my organization, which is something I've never really worked on before as much as I should have. I'm gonna have a consistent design throughout the whole site, and a standard navigation process throughout.
Eventually I WILL figure out how to create a drop down image map with sub-menus that themselves are image map.
Where can I get some Flash authoring tools? Maybe I should look into that??? I'd rather not, cuz everyone does, and I'd rather do it the old-fashioned, hard way.
anyways, i'll shut up now. buh-bye everyone.
So, today I "weighed in" for ediets,(though I've already weighed myself before this), and I'm down to 276(morning weight)... I was 280 a week ago.(285 more or less, night-time weight)
I think cutting out the fat from my diet(most of the fat. I know some fat is essential, but trying to get the right kind of fat in the right amounts is the trick) is the most important part. I know I'm watching the caloric intake and fat contents better. I could still do better, and I will try harder on that front.
Also I need to start exercising, that will be one trick that will help the most.
I had a social anxiety attack last night. That's TWICE now when Matt and I and Rosemary and others(Angie the first time, and Shayla and Rachel last night) went out to a bar that I've had that happen. At least this time I got in the door and stuck it out a bit before having to leave. I feel like such a dumbass when that happens, and the hardest part is trying to stop the cycle of thoughts.
1) I'm afraid.
2) I don't like this, I wanna leave
3) I need to get out of here. NOW! I'm gonna start crying soon if I don't.(yes, crying)
4) I DO leave.
5) Why did I leave? I'm such a dumbfuck for leaving.
6) God I hate this, why can't I be normal.
7) I shouldn't get mad at myself for doing this, it's normal.
8) I AM mad at myself, so now I'm even madder/sad...
9) I cry now...(I had already started back at like 4 or 5)
10) I need to be away from people to just let the thoughts slow down, and the cycle to cool off.
11) Some friend(Rosemary last night) comes out and works on piecing it together.
12) And it's all back to "normal"...
---
So when I finally get in to see a therapist, I'll definitely talk about this.
Part of my history, used to be an anger problem when I was a kid, then problems with criticism and harsh judgement, and now social phobias, apparently(though not disabling, they only happen once in a great great while)
After last night, I'm rethinking E and me. I'm not making any claims at this point, but I don't know whether it's a contributing factor, and since I DO have a history of such serotonin-based issues, it's prolly not a good thing to mess about with it. But I'm not making any statements forthwith at this point. I'll see.
Just at some Fat-Free french onion dip and fat-free pringles. you'd think they'd have fat-free potato chips, but i didin't see any anywhere. they have baked tortilla chips, but I didn't see baked potato chips, even though I KNOW they make them. oh well. pringles ain't too bad.
I think my mouth is getting acquired to the flavor of these things. Now I'm working up the guts to get into more fruits and veggies than my limited few that I can/will/want to eat now.
This weekend is my new-born nephew's baptism thingy. Shannon invited me, and I want to go, but 1) I don't trust my car and 2) I need to work this weekend. I didn't let her know yet, so I feel like shit about that. I tried to write her an email on thursday or wednesday or something like that, but i got a call from a guy who wanted help with ModPlug Tracker, and the computer locked up as I was trying different shit with it, and had to reboot. Then I forgot I was in the midst of the letter-writing, so I didn't get it sent or start another one, and then last night i remembered, but I didn't write, though I should have. I think I'll call today. I think I want to send a gift-certificate or something, however. I feel so bad for not going. grr...
Tangee is doing much better finally. Took her to the vet yesterday, and she got some medicine to make her eat. she ate a lot yesterday, and today, she looks like she's eating now, too... and she hasn't thrown up lately either!!! YEAH!!! And she's much more social again. She even kinda attacked me today. I was putting food away, and while re-arranging the cupboard, out of nowhere, she jumps on my shoulder, threw me a little off balance and I was like WOAH!!!! Then she was looking in the cupboard. I felt like a pirate, except instead of a parrot, I had a cat on my shoulder. It was cute.
Think, for now, for my website, I'm gonna focus on getting Style-Sheets down, and maybe some frames and image-maps. Also, working hard on figuring out my organization, which is something I've never really worked on before as much as I should have. I'm gonna have a consistent design throughout the whole site, and a standard navigation process throughout.
Eventually I WILL figure out how to create a drop down image map with sub-menus that themselves are image map.
Where can I get some Flash authoring tools? Maybe I should look into that??? I'd rather not, cuz everyone does, and I'd rather do it the old-fashioned, hard way.
anyways, i'll shut up now. buh-bye everyone.
