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symbioidljanxiety and depression...
have called the doctor and have an appt for next week, gonna get back on effexor. I was planning on doing it next year around springtime, but have decided that it's too much right now, and the anxiety of what I'm going to have to deal with next year is eating at me now(even though I know "be in the moment... breathe... there is only now, not tomorrow or yesterday" it still doesn't help completely. It helps when I'm not in that state, but when I'm so absorbed, it's hard to get out, and when you're at work, and crying your fucking eyes out, til they're completely red, you know you have a problem.
And this wasn't even really a difficult day.
I have my plans, I just have to be patient and push through.
In July 2005, I plan to be out the door and in a new job(or thereabouts... I know it can't happen exactly like that)
The effexor will help calm the mind until I can get through next year...
My next job, I need one without so much "social interface" responsibility(I don't have a lot now, but I'd like to eliminate any public persona I may have to project. Right now I have to deal with the Town and Village Clerks when installing software. I've only installed it on a couple systems now but more and more are wanting it, and that's not what I really want to do.)
I want to have a pure data-entry job, where I don't have to worry about all this other shit.
I want a job that's professional enough to have procedures that are followed.
One where I don't have ten projects shoved in my face at once, with constant interruption in the work flow...Multitasking is ineffecient, because task-switching entails a hit on performance every time an interrupt is made.
I get paid damn well for what I do, but you know, at this point, i just want some sanity first... We'll have to move that year(2005), sadly... to a smaller place that's more affordable(then again, maybe rent will have steadily increased since then, and a 2 bedroom apartment will be as expensive to rent as our house is now)
Who knows. A general plan is in formulation and as time goes on specifics will be drawn up...
I will be happy to have my life back again. Happy to have 2 days on the weekend. Happy to have time to devote to my own personal development. Happier...
Fitter.
More productive..............................
have called the doctor and have an appt for next week, gonna get back on effexor. I was planning on doing it next year around springtime, but have decided that it's too much right now, and the anxiety of what I'm going to have to deal with next year is eating at me now(even though I know "be in the moment... breathe... there is only now, not tomorrow or yesterday" it still doesn't help completely. It helps when I'm not in that state, but when I'm so absorbed, it's hard to get out, and when you're at work, and crying your fucking eyes out, til they're completely red, you know you have a problem.
And this wasn't even really a difficult day.
I have my plans, I just have to be patient and push through.
In July 2005, I plan to be out the door and in a new job(or thereabouts... I know it can't happen exactly like that)
The effexor will help calm the mind until I can get through next year...
My next job, I need one without so much "social interface" responsibility(I don't have a lot now, but I'd like to eliminate any public persona I may have to project. Right now I have to deal with the Town and Village Clerks when installing software. I've only installed it on a couple systems now but more and more are wanting it, and that's not what I really want to do.)
I want to have a pure data-entry job, where I don't have to worry about all this other shit.
I want a job that's professional enough to have procedures that are followed.
One where I don't have ten projects shoved in my face at once, with constant interruption in the work flow...Multitasking is ineffecient, because task-switching entails a hit on performance every time an interrupt is made.
I get paid damn well for what I do, but you know, at this point, i just want some sanity first... We'll have to move that year(2005), sadly... to a smaller place that's more affordable(then again, maybe rent will have steadily increased since then, and a 2 bedroom apartment will be as expensive to rent as our house is now)
Who knows. A general plan is in formulation and as time goes on specifics will be drawn up...
I will be happy to have my life back again. Happy to have 2 days on the weekend. Happy to have time to devote to my own personal development. Happier...
Fitter.
More productive..............................
