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Jun. 26th, 2007
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vesicular, guess who the inaugural "Miss Door County" was!
1997- Jodi (Pierzchalski) Georgenson
vesicular, guess who the inaugural "Miss Door County" was!1997- Jodi (Pierzchalski) Georgenson
In addition to my latest post about my childhood, I must admit I've been meaning to post about my mood lately. I have been quite nostalgiac. Did you know that nostalgia actually is about homesickness, and originally was a medical term/condition?
My eyes are misty now... When I think of nostalgia, I go back to my childhood, and a sense of not just liberty and freedom are thrust upon me, but a sense of eternity. In a way, it is as though I die and become a cloud. It is how I see death. And it is sorrowful, because it's so beautiful. To be one with the dreams of the all.
I don't know how to convey that which I feel right now. You've probably experienced it yourself in your own way.
It's why I love Nth Man so much. Or rather, why, at just the right time, it hit upon the very issues of loss of innocence. Who could hit that age of adolescence and read about the death of "Peachy" (John Doe) and his resurrection as a new person, with his innocence lost, he's now capable of becoming an assassin.
But, I digress... It's times like these that I look back with such sadness. Of course, it wasn't perfect (what? you mean I wanted to "grow up" so badly when I was a kid? say it ain't so...)
It saddens me that the past is that which is to be desired. It saddens me that the future seems so hopeless.
I remember even a decade ago when the world was ripe and young and fresh for the picking. Was I cynical then? Hell yeah. I was staunchly opposed to the "Clipper Chip" when Clinton pushed it... Was I anti-authoritarian? Sure, as much as a "Libertarian" could be... So what's changed? Have I just gotten more cynical?
I've "suffered" from nostalgia starting in my adolescence. Maybe this is the common time for it to start?
There was such love suffused in the world, even then... Even when I wrote "Hate" on faces of all the jocks in my yearbook (even the ones I regretted marking just a year later). The exploration of the realm of the imagination... Drugs... New spirituality for me... Bob Marley (the idealized, fictional, beautiful Rastafarianism untainted by homophobia)... The move to Madison, and the refreshing experience of those first couple years. Then Bush gets elected, and one of my few friends moved away... 9/11, and it's all been downhill since then. Really, 9/11 was the shit-stain on my life. I never fucking rallied around Bush. I never fell for that bullshit. But my revolutionary hope has faded and whithered. Part of that was naivete. I actually thought, when I moved to Madison, that the Libertarian Party and the International Socialist Organization could team up on the issues of East Timor and the Kosovo War... Ignorance is bliss...
The only truly good thing that's happened to me these past 7 years (aside from knowing all of you! especiallytrisquareangle, beautiful free soul) is meeting my love and partner sophy...
She's been my sanity and kept me secure (dear god, if she didn't manage our finances, what a wreck it would be!). Getting high this weekend was nice. I haven't done it in ages. And I think I need to smoke a bit more often.
I know for a fact that the last time I did shrooms a few months ago, it was a low enough dose to just do a mild trick. Being that I'm a big guy, I need higher doses of shit to really work for the most part. But I really did notice the afterglow. And I wish I could take like a 1/16th of shrooms every 2 or 3 days. I really think that would be the best anti-depressant I could have. And I'm not talking about it from a psychedelic effect. If I wanted that, I'd say bring that shit on. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to squeegee my third eye every so often, but I think shrooms can be a potent serotonergic drug without some of the ill effects of the officially sanctioned ones.
I feel ever so slightly that I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. An emotional resetting that snaps shit back into place. But yet, it's not quite there. And I don't know what to do. I'll figure it out, because I know it's at the surface.
I leave with this bit about Derrick Jensen:
My eyes are misty now... When I think of nostalgia, I go back to my childhood, and a sense of not just liberty and freedom are thrust upon me, but a sense of eternity. In a way, it is as though I die and become a cloud. It is how I see death. And it is sorrowful, because it's so beautiful. To be one with the dreams of the all.
I don't know how to convey that which I feel right now. You've probably experienced it yourself in your own way.
It's why I love Nth Man so much. Or rather, why, at just the right time, it hit upon the very issues of loss of innocence. Who could hit that age of adolescence and read about the death of "Peachy" (John Doe) and his resurrection as a new person, with his innocence lost, he's now capable of becoming an assassin.
But, I digress... It's times like these that I look back with such sadness. Of course, it wasn't perfect (what? you mean I wanted to "grow up" so badly when I was a kid? say it ain't so...)
It saddens me that the past is that which is to be desired. It saddens me that the future seems so hopeless.
I remember even a decade ago when the world was ripe and young and fresh for the picking. Was I cynical then? Hell yeah. I was staunchly opposed to the "Clipper Chip" when Clinton pushed it... Was I anti-authoritarian? Sure, as much as a "Libertarian" could be... So what's changed? Have I just gotten more cynical?
I've "suffered" from nostalgia starting in my adolescence. Maybe this is the common time for it to start?
There was such love suffused in the world, even then... Even when I wrote "Hate" on faces of all the jocks in my yearbook (even the ones I regretted marking just a year later). The exploration of the realm of the imagination... Drugs... New spirituality for me... Bob Marley (the idealized, fictional, beautiful Rastafarianism untainted by homophobia)... The move to Madison, and the refreshing experience of those first couple years. Then Bush gets elected, and one of my few friends moved away... 9/11, and it's all been downhill since then. Really, 9/11 was the shit-stain on my life. I never fucking rallied around Bush. I never fell for that bullshit. But my revolutionary hope has faded and whithered. Part of that was naivete. I actually thought, when I moved to Madison, that the Libertarian Party and the International Socialist Organization could team up on the issues of East Timor and the Kosovo War... Ignorance is bliss...
The only truly good thing that's happened to me these past 7 years (aside from knowing all of you! especially
trisquareangle, beautiful free soul) is meeting my love and partner sophy...She's been my sanity and kept me secure (dear god, if she didn't manage our finances, what a wreck it would be!). Getting high this weekend was nice. I haven't done it in ages. And I think I need to smoke a bit more often.
I know for a fact that the last time I did shrooms a few months ago, it was a low enough dose to just do a mild trick. Being that I'm a big guy, I need higher doses of shit to really work for the most part. But I really did notice the afterglow. And I wish I could take like a 1/16th of shrooms every 2 or 3 days. I really think that would be the best anti-depressant I could have. And I'm not talking about it from a psychedelic effect. If I wanted that, I'd say bring that shit on. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to squeegee my third eye every so often, but I think shrooms can be a potent serotonergic drug without some of the ill effects of the officially sanctioned ones.
I feel ever so slightly that I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. An emotional resetting that snaps shit back into place. But yet, it's not quite there. And I don't know what to do. I'll figure it out, because I know it's at the surface.
I leave with this bit about Derrick Jensen:
"So Jensen finally came to this: "We're fucked."
This isn't really a satisfactory position, but in Jensen's opinion, it's realistic. He maintains that false hope, and the happy talk it engenders, is far more dangerous. Jensen defines hope as wishing for a future over which you have no agency (e.g., hoping your plane doesn't crash). Still, how does one move forward with such a dismal outlook? Jensen balances "We're fucked," with "Life is really, really good."
It's a matter of scale. On a big scale we have some huge problems, but on a small scale, a personal scale, life can be wonderful."
http://www.illahee.org/lectures/archive/derrickjensenlecture