So, I've posted before about the issues surrounding the db provider our company uses. The court case where the judges smacked down the lawyer for our software company for deigning to claim that their database is locked in by a license that precludes the public right to access information (as provided in our state constitution).

The judges found their arguments specious and absurd. I had last posted because their was an e-mail sent out by the programmers that we needed permission from them before giving out this database. I knew that this was wrong, and clearly violated the spirit, if not the letter of the law.

However, now even more ominously, with the latest update (as I found out today), they now have a registration procedure that registers not only a given workstation (as has always been the case), but the database itself. When I asked what that tab was, she explained it to me (and once she mentioned "license" and "giving out the database" I knew what she was on about... I however, acted stupid, asking questions... partially because I knew the deal with the court case, but also, because I wanted to see if there was any sort of justification or loophole they had that could either be a legitimate argument for their actions, or a reason to "get around" their registration of said data... this data registration, it should be noted, only applies to those users who don't have a licensed copy of the software (in clear violation of the courts ruling))

So, now that it's not only a "you need to talk to us" but a "we have code that is directly preventing you from giving this data out without prior authorization", I think I definitely need to find someone who'll bring this issue to case. However, I've written both to EFF and Lawrence Lessig, with no reply from either. I'm gonna write to Cory Doctorow as he is on the board of EFF and he seems open to listening to fellow people. I can't just submit it to boingboing, however... it needs to be a private thing. If the EFF can't take the case up, I mostly just need advice on where I can find a local attorney (pro-bono, natch) who'll lay the smack down.

Cuz this really pisses me off...
So, I know I've posted in the past about one time wanting to just have a fucking mental psychotic breakdown and get it done with already and not have to go in to work (or at least my current place of employment).

I've also wished for a heart attack, for an accident that renders me disabled (at least temporarily)... something, anything to have an excuse to get the fuck out.

I know this isn't rational, nor "normal".
Is it common to have such horrific thoughts? I'm I just a freak? Will I feel this way about other jobs? I seriously don't think I've ever felt *this* way about a job before. I've had stressors. And I am definitely just more overall stressed these days than I used to be... I just have no clue how much comes down to my actual place of employment, and how much is actually just me, and I get scared thinking that maybe it's just me, and that, no matter where I go (jobwise), no matter what I do, I will always want some tragic fate to befall me in order to escape.

It scares me. I think I may mention it in my next "therapy" appointment. *sigh*

("therapy" means : go to the doctor so he gives me pills... Asks some questions and I politely pretend like nothing is wrong, except a few disturbances here and there (granted when I last went in, it wasn't that bad) I'm thinking of printing these types of posts of mine so I have something to bring in so he can see how I feel.

(no subject)

Jul. 15th, 2005 12:08 pm
symbioidlj: (Default)
Just now "waking up"... It took 4 hours to actually feel awake. sad. my eyes were closing during most of the day. *sigh*

But a good day in general. Not crowded in the office. Everyone seems to be in a good mood, so far...
Tags:
And yes, I know this is avoidant posting right now. And I know some of you know what I mean... Surely.

And ultimately it's the source of my problem. Expecting that my holiday weekend should have been free of labor, and to not feel guilty about it afterwards that I have to suffer more shit being shoved down my throat. No, I didn't work overtime on Friday. I could have. Sure, but there's something NICE about getting off on a weekend/holiday and leaving on time and knowing you're free. But if you work overtime? You're not free until that's over. I could've brought work home and done it any time during the weekend. But I decided I should be able to enjoy my weekend. I did. I didn't get as much done as I wanted to, but I still had a nice time overall. Now I have to suffer because I wanted to enjoy my holiday. Not only that, since in a holiday week, you're not working 40 hours, even though I put this "extra" time in now, it's still only 40 hours, so I don't get overtime. Had I done it before Sunday, i could've gotten overtime pay for it. So now I neither get overtime NOR any lasting enjoyment from the few days I had off.

Sorry to complain like this. I try not to. I rage, yeah, but I try not to get too personal about all this.

But really, I need the fuck out, and I need to find a job that allows me to contribute to the social causes I feel I need to work towards in society. While on the one hand I can say "great, I work in an assessors office, and I am helping to get fair and equitable taxes for a place and am helping them fund their education, etc..." I'm still supporting a system that I utterly despise with every fiber of my being.

(no subject)

Jun. 30th, 2005 02:16 am
symbioidlj: (Default)
bad past couple of days. cried at work. panic attack. fortunately was able to do my job for the most part. didn't leave early or go to the bathroom (to hide).

sick of reality. wanted escape. claustrophobic. don't know why the fuck i didn't pop in radiohead. *sigh*

tonight, I was thinking of writing to my 3rd grade teacher (I oft do so, but never get around to it), and thanking her for encouraging my questioning mind. then i thought: but that's what's causing my problems. i don't just "accept" it. and then i got mad about that. i can't just ignore it all like others do (not you guys, you're smarter than that)... but as i reflected upon this, I realized that I have this moral conviction and rage and yes it saddens me, but how dare some "Christian" lecture me on morality when they support the mass murder known as war. And I can take hope in the fact that this sorrow and anger is a symptom of my conscience, and I should be glad that I can still feel it. If I didn't, I would truly be a dead, evil person inside, and I refuse to let them do that to me. I'm better than that. So hopefully, tomorrow I can start my day with this knowledge, confident and safe in this knowledge that I still feel the right thing, that I know love for my fellow earth-children.

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